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Dominus_Mortis

Hi.

About

Username
Dominus_Mortis
Location
I am being super super super super super super super super super SUUUUPER good. Mmkay? Kay.
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Posts
921
Location
I am being super super super super super super super super super SUUUUPER good. Mmkay? Kay.
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14

Activity

  • Hi.
    May 6
  • The earth is a cube

    —————————

    Change my mind
    May 2
    • IronManArcher
      IronManArcher
      Gravity pulls things together into bal- I mean spheres.
    • Multarix
      Multarix
      If gravity pulls things into a sphere, explain mount everest
    • IronManArcher
      IronManArcher
      It’s not a perfect sphere. If you don’t believe that, look at a metal ball under a super microscope.
    • Detech
      Detech
      I thought earth was a square...
    • Detech
      Detech
      Multarix, if the world was a teenager, Everest would be a pimple.
    • Multarix
      Multarix
      No that's a volcano
    • IronManArcher
      IronManArcher
      A mountain is a freckle or a mole.
  • Sirentist
    Please...just put a link to the joke site next time.
    April 25
    • Dominus_Mortis
      Dominus_Mortis
      What’s wrong wth posting on my own activity wall?
    • Everywhen
      Everywhen
      You’ve posted several times, making the activity page rather hard to navigate for mobile users
    • Chicken
      Chicken
      or you can just scroll past it
    • Multarix
      Multarix
      I wasn't aware people actually care that much about the activity page.
    • Dominus_Mortis
      Dominus_Mortis
      I didn’t ask for stalk0rz to check my activity wall. So amen, brotha’!
    • IronManArcher
      IronManArcher
      ...there's a page that shows up that shows everyone's activity.
    • Globe
      Globe
      ^
    • Multarix
      Multarix
      And I'm still surprised that people actually care about the activity page instead of scrolling through 90% of it like they normally do.
    • IronManArcher
      IronManArcher
      I read every single thing on it.
  • Cool thing you never knew:

    Thanos was banished to the 4th realm
    April 26
  • A drunk walks into a bar, orders a shot and and immediately pukes all over his own shirt. "Wha' my gonna do now? My wifez gonna kill me."

    "Relax," the bartender says, "give me a five-dollar bill." The bartender folds up the bill and puts it in the guy's shirt pocket. "Tell your wife some drunk puked on you and gave you five bucks to have your shirt cleaned."

    "Thass a great idea!"

    When the drunk gets home his wife answers the door. "Where have you been? What happened to your shirt?"

    He tries to put on a sober voice and says, "Relaaax honey, some drunk guy puked on me and gave me five bucks to have my shirt cleaned."

    The drunk's wife reaches in his pocket, grabs the money, and says, "There's $10 in here!"

    "Oh yeah, he sh*t my pants, too."
    April 25
  • A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

    "Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money."

    "What are the three tests?" asks the man

    "Gotta pay first."

    So the guy gives him the $10 bucks, and the bartender adds it to the jar.

    "OK, here's what you have to do. First, you have to drink that whole bottle of pepper tequila -- the WHOLE thing at once -- and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her."

    "Well, I know I've paid my $10 bucks," says the man, "but I'm not an idiot. No wonder you've collected so much money -- that's impossible!"

    The new guy proceeds to drink several whiskeys, and eventually, he gets up his nerve.

    "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" he slurs.

    He grabs the bottle of pepper tequila with both hands and downs it, gulp by gulp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back. Everyone in the bar hears a huge scuffle outside -- barking, yelping and growling, then silence.

    Just when they think the man must be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and gashes across his body.

    "NOW," he says, "wherez at ol' lady with the sore tooth?"
    April 25
  • A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

    The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."

    "Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

    The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

    On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

    The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
    April 25
  • A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."

    The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips."

    The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.

    "Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"

    The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."
    April 25
  • A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

    The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

    The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

    The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
    April 25
  • A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

    A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."

    The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."
    April 25
  • Two men walk into a bar, one wearing a cowboy hat and the other wearing a Yankees cap. The guy in the Yankees cap approaches the bartender and make a bet: "I'll bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at one end of your bar and piss into it from the other end of the bar without spilling a drop."

    The bartender laughs and says, "You're crazy, but you're on."

    The man positions a shot glass on one end, walks to the other end and unzips his fly. He then pisses everywhere -- all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottles of booze, and all over the bartender. The bartender roars with laughter and tells the man to pay up.

    The guy in the Yankees cap pays up, laughing and smiling, too.

    "What are you smiling at?" asks the bartender. "You just lost $1,000!"

    "Well, you see that guy in the cowboy hat over there crying? Before we came in, I bet him $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar, your walls, your liquor AND you, and not only would you not be mad -- you would laugh hysterically about it!"
    April 25
  • A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.

    The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.

    "For what?"

    The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."

    The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."

    The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.

    The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."
    April 25
  • A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

    The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're already off your face."
    April 25
  • A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.

    The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.

    The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."

    The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back, either."
    April 25
  • A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
    The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
    April 25
  • Dominus_Mortis changed his profile picture.
    Thumbnail
    April 7
  • Dominus_Mortis changed his profile picture.
    Thumbnail
    April 7
  • Dominus, signing off.
    April 4
  • News just in

    Eating all vegetables like a herbivore linked to losing brain power and muscle.

    (Could be trueee) : 3
    March 15
    • _Brainstorm_
      _Brainstorm_
      That must be true
      We need protein for strength, and not too many vegetables with proteins exist
    • IronManArcher
      IronManArcher
      And the plants that do have protein can’t be used by our bodies to get protein. Well, plant protein can’t sustain us as well as meat protein. Trust me, I’m writing an essay on it right now.
    • Dominus_Mortis
      Dominus_Mortis
      I call my dad a carrot muncher cause he don’t eat meat lol.
      Protein be like:
      Peanut butter < sirloin steak
    • IronManArcher
      IronManArcher
      All hail steak!
    • KaitB
      KaitB
      I'm just going to leave this here.
      https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/becoming-a-vegetarian
    • Multarix
      Multarix
      ew education
    • MemesterDeemster
      MemesterDeemster
      Stakey bois
  • Confucius say, he who makes a stink in a church, must sit in their own pew.
    March 26